Bossy Meat Creature

It’s times like these, throwing away other people’s beer cans, that I think of important moments in television history. 

“What the - who’s the prom queen who couldn’t handle half a cider jack??” 

and it’s big and scary and i don’t even want to think about going in there.

Also: I wish I worked at whatever place this is. Except for the infestation of hornets. That is truly terrifying.

1. Cyanide and Happiness (2007 and 2008 were amazing years for those guys. trust me, i’ve read all of them. twice.)

2. Draino

3. Funny internet pictures

4. Chatting with strangers in the library

5. Facebook stalking (I can find anyone. my powers are terrifying.)

6. Fast food restaurants in the austin area (the wendys in riverside is much better than the wendys in jester, but not as good as the one in the union)

I had my first class for Reading Women Writers today. :D I spent a good ten minutes talking with my professor about how Alice Sebold is under-appreciated and will become part of the literary canon in about fifty years. I MISSED TALKING ABOUT BOOKS LIKE THIS! Science rocks my socks, but there is a special place in my heartspace for literature.

Then we talked about how there are some female writers protesting a ‘white male bias’ in literary criticism and whether or not this is a legitimate complaint. By sunday we have to post our thoughts on the class’ BLOG. My homework is blogging. Lifegoal achieved.

The second part of our homework was reading about Sappho. And I have decided that if I ever get a cat, I want to name it Sappho. (get it? It’s a pussy-cat.)

I was driving on the feeder road for I-35 yesterday trying (fruitlessly) to get onto the stupid highway when I saw a sign that I’ve doubtless seen thousands of times: NO PARKING. VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED. No parking. On the highway. Where people go 70 miles an hour. 

And you know someone tried to do that. In a world where parking costs ten dollars everywhere you go, this person said, “hey, guys. i just had the most BRILLIANT idea. nowhere does it say that I can’t park…ON THE HIGHWAY.” And of course, he dies ten minutes later in a fiery explosion. Then I get a puppy and ten thousand dollars. But that’s probably because this is my imagination.

This blog has rapidly become just my observations of how stupid the world is. I’m very proud of me.

So now I’m sitting in the library observing the people in there, which is another thing this blog is entirely about, and they all are in the same position over their books, worshipping the gods of knowledge. It’s kind of awesome. And then there’s me, creepily staring at all the faithful, mocking them with my relaxed posture and smile. I prayed all year for this exact moment.

I am sitting in my apartment completely by myself. Considering previous roommates, I always thought this would be ideal. Maybe you can see where this is going…I am absolutely terrified. There are people running around outside being crazy, I have the door double locked and am blasting the Rent soundtrack to scare them off. (I’ve heard psychopaths hate Broadway. It’s like water to cats.)

WINE AND BEER!

I have not seen my current roommate in almost a week. I am kind of thinking I should let someone know at this point just in case she turns up dead in a ditch somewhere and they start looking at the suspiciously innocent roommate (me). Maybe I’ll give it another week or so and then grow concerned.

Has anyone else noticed NPH’s ass? Every time I see him on TV (or anything for that matter) my eye is irresistably drawn to it. It’s a very nice ass for a guy. I’m really impressed, guy ass is generally uninteresting and unimportant to me. Unless you’re gay (which might explain NPH’s ass) it serves no purpose other than poop. Girl ass, on the other hand…holy crap.